Side Effects

It's been a while! A few new things have been going on in my life. First off, I've been using a new medication called Enbrel. I've given myself an injection weekly for a month now. I don't see any improvement in my pain or stiffness, but somehow I feel more "normal".

There are a few hazards of taking " biologics" or "anti-TNF" medications. I was aware of them and have dealt with side effects of medications before. No big deal. Stick me with needles. Whatever it takes to not hurt! Well, these meds are a whole different category of scary compared to the usual prescriptions for things like depression or high blood pressure. A lot of people are allergic and have to stop them immediately. They've been found to cause a higher rate of lymphoma in rheumatoid arthritis patients. Of course there are about a bajillion other things that can happen...

...like this:

Pretty, right? This is my left thigh two days following my 4th injection. I always inject on Wednesdays, so Thursdays and Fridays I always get some sort of funky reaction on my thigh. It's gotten worse each time. It's a lot bigger than a quarter and it feels hot. Other than that, it's not a big deal and it's supposedly normal. I also get a migraine, extreme fatigue, and nausea for 2-3 days after each shot. It should get better, but we'll see. 

These medications are a pain because some people don't even respond to them. For some people it takes up to three months for them to start working. They don't usually lessen pain and stiffness by 100%, sometimes it's barely noticeable. I'll take what I can get for now...

I'm impatient. 

Medically Spent

With sickness comes expenses.
Amoxicylen $8
Ibuprofen $4
Celebrex $45
Enbrel $3,100
...monthly.

It's sickening. When I get a new prescription, my stomach is sunken in and I feel nauseous. I drive to the pharmacy with speculation and worry. I don't know how much more I can spend or if I will afford a medication at all. Each time a prescription is called in, the pharmacy gives me a call asking if I'm sure I want it filled because it's expensive. What choice do I have?

Luckily, I've done my research. I've found plans for each prescription my has that help cover part of my monthly cost. They save us around $3,000 per month. I'm not even kidding.

It's no wonder people go bankrupt from medical expenses. It's a sad, sick world we live in. 

Kicking ASs

My past 12 months have been a whirlwind of mommyhood, wifehood, and experimenting with treatments. I started breastfeeding prior to my diagnosis, so I have been limited on the medications that are considered to be "acceptable". I use this term because that's all that ibuprofen and Celebrex are, acceptable. Let's just say there aren't many breastfeeding moms volunteering for drug trials. So who the hell knows how safe something really is?

Admist the chaos of my medical bullllll... my favorite little girl was struggling with sleep. It wasn't typical... Fast forward through many doctors visits for the both of us, plus sleep studies for her and then we came to the diagnosis of moderate obstructive sleep apnea and severe central sleep apnea. The new diagnoses were hers.

Fast forward to a month ago when it all got much worse. We became desperate. We were zombies surviving off of brief naps, caffeine, and baby giggles. I came up with this theory that my high daily doses of NSAIDS may be causing or worsening her condition. There is speculation that nsaids can cause respiratory problems for babies. Yes, she wasn't taking them, but I was. I was taking 800 MG of ibuprofen as often as medically possible. That stopped working, so I began taking the max dose of Celebrex twice daily. What was I supposed to do? My tiny child wakes up sobbing all. night. long. She needs comfort beyond what I know how to give. We've tried everything to wean her.

Unmedicated ankylosing spondylitis is a real b!tch. It's what is best for my daughter right now as I'm currently working on weaning her and trying to get her condition stable. The pain is temporary. I can deal with the agony.

Right now, I'm laying in bed. It's almost 1 AM and I will hopefully be going to bed as soon as I am able to sneak oxygen onto the face of my sleeping daughter for the second time tonight. My lumbar spine is swollen. It feels lumpy and bruised. This is my new reality. I'm making it work by staying as active as possible, taking hot baths daily, and avoiding any strain to my spine.

Two days ago was my first time taking a biologic medication called Enbrel. It's an injection that I'll be giving myself weekly. It will alter the wway my body attacks itself, hopefully lessening the damage being done or at least lessening pain. I need my quality of life back.  

DIY Simple Heating Pad

Moist heat works wonders on sore joints or muscles. You can buy electric heating pads, but they will cost you around $30-$70+. They're also fire hazards and can break.

Here's an inexpensive alternative to a regular heating pad.

Option #1: No Sew
What you need:
Tube sock
Long grain rice or feed corn

Fill sock about 1/3 of the way full with your preferred filler. Leave enough empty space for filler to be able to move around and sock can conform to your body. Tie off sock.

To use: place filled sock in the microwave for 1-2 minutes or until heating pad has reached desired warmth.

Option #2: Simple Sew
What you need:
Kitchen hand towel
Needle and thread, or sewing machine and thread
Long grain rice or feed corn

Fold towel in half so the pretty sides are facing each other. Sew along openings, leaving about a 4 inch opening. Fill towel through opening with preferred filling, about 1/3 full. Finish by sewing hole shut.

To use: place heating pad in the microwave for 1-3 minutes, or until it reaches the warmth you prefer. Don't overheat. Flip as needed during warming to ensure even warmth.

Additional options:
Hand towels can be cut in half and then sewn into two smaller heating pads.
Filling can be mixed with a few drops of essential oils.
Repurposed worn out towels and socks to spare using new ones.


I hope you all stay warm this coming fall! Be sure to keep a few heating pads on hand to keep your body from tightening up, which increases your pain level. I love to heat up a heating pad and stick it at the foot of my bed to keep my feet warm while I sleep. I also keep a large hand towel heating pad for my lower back. Sock heating pads are perfect for the neck!

Please leave a comment if you have any questions. 

Expert Level Yoga

It sounds simple enough. We've all seen pictures online of a toned mom in a sports bra and booty shorts doing pushups and downward dogs with her baby. It's picture perfect, and in my case, too good to be true.

My husband has a whacky work schedule. Most nights it's just my little cutie and I doing our thing. We make it work. Well, working out is important to me, so it's getting done one way or another. Let's keep in mind that my "baby" is 18 months old. She runs around, makes messes, and climbs on everything.

Here's how it goes every time. I grab my yoga mat. She gets all giddy and helps me roll it out in the living room. I turn on a yoga video on YouTube. Then we begin...

Can you imagine having a 22-pound child on your belly while doing bridges, crunches, and a bunch of things I've never heard of? I call it "Expert Level Yoga." Her climbing on me adds much more resistance! It really does help me get a better workout at least.

Then there's the playing. She found a little car to drive on me while I did stretches. Downward dog makes the greatest tunnel ever for hiding. Then, upon doing some twisting stretches, I was greatest by a kiss turned into a bite on the face. She got in trouble, so she started to give me kisses, each ended with a puppy lick.

Ah! I must admit, I wouldn't change it for the world. She's freaking hilarious!

It's going to be okay.

Autopilot. 

It happens. It happens to all of us. It's that wall you put around your mind, so your body can do its own thing. We zoom through the day going through the motions. Maybe not on purpose. Maybe you're stressed, tired, or hungry. Or all three. 

You're mentally checked out. For me, it's usually due to physical AND mental exhaustion. I find myself not being present. I have to take down that mental wall and allow myself to be present, not only for myself.

As a mom, my days are numbered that Miss K will still hold my hand, climb on my back, and need help going down the stairs. I want to be there. Every. Single. Day. 

So my advice to you:

"It's going to be okay."

Take a minute today and stop what you're doing, put down your connection to the world, stop thinking about yesterday or tomorrow, and close your eyes. Then, as your eyes are closed, take a deep breath in...and let it out. Keep deep breathing. Feel your skin as it touches everything around you. Hear the tiniest of sounds that you didn't hear before. Reset yourself. 

I promise, it's all going to be okay. Whatever is going on in your life is only for today or maybe for tomorrow. But let's just feel each day. Let's be present. 

There's something popular. Zombies. Ever thought, that instead of a zombie apocalypse in the future, it's actually going on now...with us? Something to think about. Let's take care of ourselves and our families and everything will be okay. 

I hope you all have a great weekend. Stay safe and happy. 

P.S. I totally caught you off guard with the zombies. 

You know you're a mom when...

(My) True Real-Life Moments of Being a Mom

1. Pee on your shirt doesn't phase you. It's pretty much like water, right?
2. Eating already chewed food just happens sometimes.
3. You've held chewed food...in your hand, purse, a napkin, etc...
4. Privacy happens when you get up at 3 AM just to pee without a tiny human knocking on the door.
5. You hide whenever you're eating something delicious. Do we always have to share???
6. Nothing so tiny has ever filled up so much of your time, thoughts, or heart.
7. You're always buying new kids clothes, even when they might not need them... just because they're cute.
8. ...and you don't remember the last time you bought yourself cute clothes, just because. Especially clothes that aren't only functional. (ie. men's white t shirts that you don't mind getting stained, clothes that are kinda ugly but so easy to nurse in, pants that are high enough to cover your butt crack when picking up a toddler)
9. Your pinterest pins have switched from beauty and fashion inspiration to tips on how to look like you didn't stay up late to get 20 minutes of me time and sleep in until the kids wake up.
10. Your friends all have kids too. 'Cause really, what do you talk about with someone who doesn't have kids?
11. "Adult Time" usually involved sweat pants, Netflix, and a couple of kisses with a child waking at the worst time.
12. You spend more on a babysitter than an actual date, so really what's the point? Family movie night at home? Sounds like a date!
13. Every giggle, learning experience, silly face, tickle, and goobery tiny hand cover up every moment of intense frustration.
14. You realize how incredibly lazy you were prior to having kids. You'd feel lost with that much downtime.
15. You wouldn't trade any of your new life EVER for ANYTHING. (or at least that's how I feel. I'll just speak for us all.)

Being Mommy is hardest, most grueling, frustrating, crazy, hectic, rewarding, joyful, and downright AMAZING thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong and everything right at the same time. I find myself laughing more than I ever have. A lot of those times I'm laughing at myself. I've learned to laugh at myself, love my life, and hold onto every moment. When once it was so difficult to see a single good part in every single day, it's now so simple to hold a tiny hand and all worries, frustration, and sadness melts away.

I hope you all have an amazing week and stay safe this weekend! Happy Birthday America!